søndag 21. juni 2009

What Chuck wore

“Nathaniel. If your uptight harpy girlfriend is going to call every five minutes, I’m going to need you to put your phone on silent. In case you forgot, Humphrey punched me in my face - as if I were a damn commoner. It still hurts, I’m hungover, I’m in bed with working class hos, and the only pair of pajamas I could find after last night’s bender are really better suited for the holiday season. It’s not a good morning.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I hatch a perfectly diabolical scheme to get you all hot and bothered, and you waste your sexual energy on Lord Robot? He’s not even wearing an ascot. I spent half an hour deciding on the best pocket square for my outfit and yet here you are with this fool, who didn’t even see fit to put on a damn vest. I really don’t get you, Waldorf. When I bang Girl Brooklyn, you are going to be pissed. Mark my words.”

“Hell yeah these pants are red. Look how red my pants are! Nate could never wear pants this red. Nate doesn’t have enough personality for pants this exuberant, this delightfully whimsical. Though maybe I shouldn’t have gone with the green socks. Wait - what am I thinking? I’m Chuck Bass. Of course I should have.”

“Waldorf, I’m aware we’re on pretty shaky ground right now, and this probably won’t help. But those footless tights were a mistake. It’s darling that we coordinate so well, I’ll admit - it adds a very twee aspect to this whole love/hate thing we have going. But I just wish those damn tights weren’t footless. Who are you, Brooklyn? No, not that Brooklyn. Girl Brooklyn. The one with the video camera.

What do you mean, my socks and jacket are too matchy-matchy? That’s it, we’re officially on the outs again. And I am so going to bang Girl Brooklyn for that comment. You’ll see.”

“I am too proud and rich to beg, Blair. With that said, look how well we coordinate. The couple who wears green together stays together, even if one half of that couple lied to the other half so they could bang some stick figure interior decorator. And then countless other skanks. But enough about my summer."


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