søndag 21. mars 2010


Girl: If I ever met Johnny Depp, I'd rape him.
Boy: How does a woman rape a man?
Girl: If I ever met Johnny Depp, you'd find out.

Crazy guy, after screaming unintelligibly in 20-something's face: It's cool, I'm supposed to scare people! I'm the anti-Christ!

Boy #1:
What did you do last night?
Boy #2: I fucked what's-his-face last night.
Boy #1: You don't remember his name?
Boy #2: If it's under six inches, you don't get remembered!

Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.

Guy: Okay: he's bad, but he's not that bad.
Girl: No, seriously! He's like Miley fucking Cyrus. Fucking annoying, way too into himself, and everywhere. He is the Party in the USA.
Guy: Dude!

Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', "meow."

Mother to six-year-old daughter: How do you feel?
Six-year-old girl: Like P. Diddy.

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

Nine-year-old thugette: Oh, that's my man! Look, there's my man, there goes my sexy man!
Eight-year-old thugette: Shut up, that ain't yo man, that's yo brother!

Conductor: Hello, and welcome to the mobile sauna bath.

Girl #1: My worst fear is falling on a picket fence or getting eaten by a shark.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, well my worst fear is someone pushing me forward onto a blackboard and having my teeth scrape down the front. That would be awful.

Little boy: Why didn't Harry Potter just take a shotgun and blow that guy's head off?

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