lørdag 3. september 2011
We read to know we are not alone - C.S. Lewis
Jeg er arbeidsledig. Eller, det var en løgn. Jeg jobber fortsatt deltid på fritidsklubben, og det gjør meg noe sånt som 77% arbeidsledig. Men, hvertfall. Jeg har massevis av tid. Jeg har faktisk ikke kjedet meg ihjel (enda), men jeg merker at jeg begynner å bli litt rastløs. Tror ikke et liv på trygd hadde passet meg noe særlig, for å si det sånn. Men jeg får da tiden til å gå. Og det gjør jeg ved å : 1. Søke jobber. Masse jobber. Jeg har søkt på det aller meste som involverer barn (som ikke er psykisk/fysisk utviklingshemmede). 2: Se True Blood. Jeg har hatt True Blood maraton, og det er bemerkningverdig hvor fort tiden flyr når en ser på vampyrdrama. 3: Støttegruppe med Dessie som også er arbeidsledig 4: Jeg har lest bøker. Endelig, etter tre år med massive mengder pensum kan jeg lese skjønnlitteratur. Fordi jeg har lyst. Ikke fordi jeg må. Jeg har lest How I live now av Meg Rosoff (den var helt grei), Gjenferd av Jo Nesbø (den var selvfølgelig kjempebra, men slutten...uæahahaæh?) og jeg har relest Harry Potter and the deathly hallows (fordi jeg ikke klarte å la vær etter å ha sett filmen). I tillegg har jeg lest (prepare for massive mengder quotes):
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close av Jonathan Safran Foer
“Does it break my heart? Of course, every moment of everyday, into more pieces than my heart was ever made of. I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent. I never thought about things at all. Everything changed. The distance that wedged itself between me and happiness wasnt the world, wasnt the bombs and burning buildings. It was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go. Is ignorance bliss? I dont know, but it’s painful to think. And tell me, where did thinking ever get me anyways? To what great places did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I have thought myself out of happiness millions of times, but never once into it.”
“When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did. Where the smoke from a chimney ended. How an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table. I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less. Is that growing old? Or is it something worse? You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."
“Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.”
“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”
“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living”
"... I'm so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything"
“Are you an optimist or a pessimist?” She looked at her watch and said, “I’m optimistic.” “Then I have some bad news for you, because humans are going to destroy each other as soon as it becomes easy enough to, which will be very soon.” “Why do beautiful songs make you sad?” “Because they aren’t true.” “Never?” “Nothing is beautiful and true.”
"We had everything to say to each other, but no ways to say it"
"Just because you're an atheist, that doesn't mean you wouldn't love for things to have reasons for why they are."
"…that’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not the love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet."
"I thought about all of the things that everyone ever says to each other, and how everyone is going to die, whether it's in a millisecond, or days, or months, or 76.5 years, if you were just born. Everything that's born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers. The smoke rises at different speeds, but they're all on fire, and we're all trapped."
"I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live."
One day, av David Nicholls
“What are you going to do with your life?” In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer… “Live each day as if it’s your last’, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn’t practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”
"You're gorgeous, you old hag, and if i could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence. Either that or a scented candle"
"I think you're scared of being happy, Emma. I think you think that the natural way of things is for your life to be grim and grey and dour and to hate your job, hate where you live, not to have success or money or God forbid a boyfriend. In fact, I think I'll go further and say that I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving, because it's easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is easier because you can make a joke out of it."
“He wanted to live life in such a way that if a photograph were taken at random, it would be a cool photograph. Things should look right. Fun; there should be a lot of fun and no more sadness than absolutely necessary.”
The History of Love av Nicole Krauss
"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."
"...there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone."
"...after all, who isn't a survivor from the wreck of childhood?"
"The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and the saddest you've ever been in your whole life"
“Maybe this is how I’ll go, in a fit of laughter, what could be better, what could be better, laughing and crying, laughing and singing, laughing so as to forget I am alone, that it is the end of my life, that death is waiting outside the door for me.”
“Everything snapped into focus. It’s one of those unforgettable moments that happen as a child, when you discover that all along the world has been betraying you.”
"My brother and I used to play a game. I'd point to a chair. "THIS IS NOT A CHAIR," I'd say. Bird would point to the table. "THIS IS NOT A TABLE." "THIS IS NOT A WALL," I'd say. "THAT IS NOT A CEILING." We'd go on like that. "IT IS NOT RAINING OUT." "MY SHOE IS NOT UNTIED!" Bird would yell. I'd point to my elbow. "THIS IS NOT A SCRAPE." Bird would lift his knee. "THIS IS ALSO NOT A SCRAPE!" "THAT IS NOT A KETTLE!" "NOT A CUP!" "NOT A SPOON!" "NOT DIRTY DISHES!" We denied whole rooms, years, weathers. Once, at the peak of our shouting, Bird took a deep breath. At the top of his lungs, he shrieked: "I! HAVE NOT! BEEN! UNHAPPY! MY WHOLE! LIFE!" "But you're only seven," I said."
Looking for Alaska av John Green
"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane."
"What you must understand about me is that I’m a deeply unhappy person."
"Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful."
"Sometimes I don't get you,' I said.
She didn't even glance at me. She just smiled toward the television and said, 'You never get me. That's the whole point."
"Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die."
"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present."
"People, I thought, wanted security. They couldn’t bear the idea of death being a big black nothing, couldn’t bear the thought of their loved ones not existing, and couldn’t even imagine themselves not existing. I finally decided that people believed in an afterlife because they couldn’t bear not to."
Og nå leser jeg både:
The virgin suicides av Jeffrey Eugenides
“We felt the imprisonment of being a girl, the way it made your mind active and dreamy, and how you ended up knowing which colors went together. We knew that the girls were our twins, that we all existed in space like animals with identical skins, and that they knew everything about us though we couldn’t fathom them all. We knew, finally, that the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them.”
"Doctor: What are you doing here, honey? You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets.
Cecilia: Obviously, Doctor, you've never been a 13-year-old girl."
"Basically what we have here is a dreamer. Somebody out of touch with reality. When she jumped, she probably thought she'd fly"
The outsiders av Susan Eloise Hinton
"But I was still lying and I knew it. I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me."
“Sixteen years on the streets and you can learn a lot. But all the wrong things, not the things you want to learn. Sixteen years on the streets and you see a lot. But all the wrong sights, not the things you want to see.”
(Credit : Anna Ristuccia flickr)