XoXo

Nate: [on Bart's letter] Aren't you curious what it says?
Chuck: I think I can guess. You're a disappointment of a son; I'd die of embarrassment if I hadn't already; why do you wear so much purple?

Chuck: Did you have a reason for coming to see me? Because if it was to insult me, there's a website you can go to.

Dan: I've come to the conclusion that I need to get out of my comfort zone. To experience some new things.
Chuck: Are you gay?

Blair: Don't worry, I can be a bitch enough for both of us.
Chuck: I still got the scars on my back to prove it.

Serena: What is your problem?
Chuck: Specify the context.

Blair: Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.

Blair: [to Nate] I'm not maternal, I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish.

Chuck: You're lying.
Blair: I am not.
Chuck: Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth.
Blair: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software while I was away?

Blair: (to Georgina) Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

Blair: I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I'd never done that stupid thing before. You look confused... should I walk you through it?

Blair: I mean, who gets wasted on Thanksgiving?
Serena: The holidays are lonely for people. I wanted to keep them company. Wooooo!

Priest: What troubles you, my child?
Blair: (sighs) After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly 20 minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Priest: Ahem.
Blair: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
Priest: You don't say.

Serena: How's your mom doing with the divorce.
Blair: Great. So, my dad left her for another man. She lost 15 pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.

Chuck: Humphrey. Never a pleasure.
Dan: Oh good, we agree on something!

Dan: Google revenge and you get BlairWaldorf.com.

Dan: (as Serena covers his eyes and kisses him) Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me.

Chuck: If I knew his name, I'd kill him.
Nate: Because you kill people now? What, you gonna hunt him down with your scarf?
Chuck: Don't mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It's my signature.