Overheard in New York

Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.

Woman on cell: Did you try changing its diaper? (pause) What about smacking it around a little and telling it to shut up?

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!

Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!

Guy #1: She's the kind of girl that could turn you into a serial killer.
Guy #2: Huh. Wouldn't want to go there again.

Kid #1: How old is she?
Kid #2: Six.
Kid #1: And she's goth?

Man #1, to dog: See you later, Cody.
Man #2 (dog owner): His name is Toby.
Man #1: But I've been calling him Cody for ten years!
Man #2: I know

Man #1, annoyed at being pushed: You don't have to push!
Man #2: Well, it was really crowded.
Woman: Welcome to New York!
Man #1, to woman: Your mother!
Woman: That's mature! What are you, in the 5th grade? Grow up, jerk-off!
Man #1: Suck my dick!
Woman: You don't got one, honey!

Old Italian cop to Jamaican dude he just pulled over: Sir, have you been drinking tonight?
Jamaican dude: Me love you lately.

Goth girl: I'm not going to lie, I love the new Britney album.
Brunette friend: What? You like Britney?
Goth girl: Yeah. I have a dark side, you know