Overheard in New York

Coked-out hipster girlfriend, loudly: And that's why I could never wake up for Pilates.
Hipster boyfriend: Julia. Turn the voice down. People are looking.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I can't help the way my voice projects. I used to be an actress.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you didn't.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I'm a model.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you're not.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: I'm kind of a drug dealer.
Hipster boyfriend: Yeah. Which is so gay.

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an idiot on board. He knows who he is

Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.