Overheard

Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Stay calm, people. We are not going down. Repeat: this is not the Titanic, we are not going down!

Conductor: Attention passengers, this is the almost always delayed 6:18 express train to Long Branch. If you were inconvenienced by the delay, shame on you, you should know New Jersey transit never operates on schedule.

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?

Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.